Mailbag: Why I hate my bike-a-thon

Q: I have a charity that's really important to me.  It's a medical research group that is trying to find a cure for a disease that affects one of my loved ones.  It feels incredibly important to me, as part of my journey, to participate in their annual bike ride.  I like feeling like I'm doing something, even if it's just a very little something, and it's an incredible emotional moment (one that I need!) to be waiting at the start line in a huge crowd of people who all have their own stories that they've put aside for the day to come together for something much bigger than all of us.  But when it comes down to it, I feel that it's my selfish little thing.  *I* want to participate, *I* want to make a difference, to a cause that's important to *me*... I just can't bring myself to ask other people to give me money.  I wind up paying the minimum donation for participation out of my own pocket every year.  Is that bad?

A: Is that bad?  No.  That's a gift of $XXX that the organization wouldn't have otherwise.  That's not a bad thing.  But that's not the question.  You want to know if I will give you my blessing to continue doing that, or give you some way to get beyond your insecurities...

So, let's start with how YOU feel about people asking you to contribute to similar events that they're working towards.

Some people absolutely hate it when people ask them to contribute to bike-a-thons (or marathons or walk-a-thons or dance-a-thons, etc.)  They feel cornered and put on the spot, feeling like they have to contribute or you'll hate them/think less of them/hold it against them in a thousand different ways...and if you're using a social network to make your ask, it adds a public element to the pressure, because mutual friends might notice they declined to give.  In their mind, they're thinking, you *&$!!!#, now if I don't cough up $25, all my friends will think I hate people with cancer.

If you're one of these people, no wonder you don't want to ask anyone else.  You're living the golden rule.  But maybe seeing it in tongue-in-cheek print will give you a slightly new perspective...

1. See my previous post, about how to not feel like a panhandler when asking for donations to a cause you care about.  You're asking adults.  Your job is to ask, and to make sure that people understand you will appreciate their answer, whatever it is.  If they give, you'll be grateful, if they say no, you'll appreciate their consideration.  Whenever that is the honest truth, you should go ahead and ask.  They can say no.  These are grownups.
2. There's a caveat, of course.  There's an inherent and awkward power dynamic in the workplace.  If you're getting a gut feeling that it's inappropriate to ask your boss or your subordinates to chip in, then don't.  You're probably right.  But why would you extend that to everyone else you know?  
3. When people I care about ask me to contribute to something like this, in many cases, I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity to show them I care.  I have a friend who's raised over $100,000 for leukemia research in the 12 years his mother has been a survivor.  I know how much she means to him, and I am so deeply impressed and honored to be friends with someone who is generous and funny and hard-working and a general all-around great human being.  So I'm grateful to have the opportunity to chip in just a few bucks each year as a gift to him, to send a small token of appreciation to this amazing person and our friendship.  You think some of your friends might feel that way about you?
4. Some of us don't have the time or strength to be able to directly participate in a bike ride or marathon.  But we're looking for a way to do our small part against breast cancer or MS or multiple myeloma nonetheless.  If I'm giving $100 or less, that is not going to make enough of a difference to warrant anything more than a form letter of thanks if I make a random online donation or respond to a mailing...the donation may be worth making, but it's not a lot of bang for my buck in terms of making me feel personally appreciated.  On the other hand, when you're trying to raise $500, my $50 donation not only makes a sizeable difference, I know YOU are going to appreciate my gift and thank me personally.  Maximum emotional bang for an earnest but small gift.
5. A tiny technical point: often, events like a bike ride are not purely about raising money.  Your minimum fundraising target covers the expense of your participation.  Let's say you just personally donate $500 to cover it.  Nothing wrong with that.  But if you get 15 people to donate that same amount (>$50 for each of them), this organization that you care about is getting more than money - they're getting new contacts.  Contacts who have already supported them, and who represent the potential for future donations if the organization does their job well by communicating directly and engaging these new folks you've brought to the table...that's an important gift you are giving, beyond whatever dollar amount you wind up raising.

Good luck on your bike ride this year!  I hope you'll take some of this to heart and ask at least a few folks to contribute.  If you continue to be gun-shy, remember, this is something that gets easier the more you do it.  Give yourself a small goal - asking 5 people, say - and see how it goes.  My bet is that you'll be a fundraising fiend in no time!