Dear <Mr. and Mrs. Names Redacted to protect the annoyed>: Thank you so much for supporting <Could be any school, really> with your generous gift to the Annual Giving Campaign. Your tax-deductible gift of $20 will have a tremendous impact on <let's call her Jane> and her classmates.
In fact, when my 10 year old saw it, she asked "Is that sarcastic? It's kind of mean."
I get that there's an absurdity to fundraising etiquette, but...are they being sarcastic? It's a school of less than 100 families. I know I can't give anything close to what some families give, but it would be really nice to feel like someone actually cared that I gave what I could. How do I get over this and not let it affect my relationship with the staff at the school and the fellow parent who solicited me?
A: When I taught SAT Prep, one of my favorite little reminders to my students was to remember that writing SAT questions is someone's job. They're not brilliant, they're not out to get you - on the other end of that test question is a pencil pusher who's an average Joe, clocking in and out and just looking to pay the bills. The lesson there was to demystify that which held emotional power over you.
Same thing applies here. They really didn't mean anything by it. It's a form letter, and a fairly benign one at that, truth be told. They're not out to get you, and I'm pretty sure that even the petty folks (and there are some) who might be tempted to shame or embarrass folks who didn't meet their standards for How Much To Give would be more flamboyant about their attempt to make you feel bad. On the other end of that letter is someone who is just doing their job, probably underpaid and overworked and just trying to get out a few hundred thank you notes at once.
On the other hand - this is a great lesson for those of you WRITING form letter thank you notes. Take note of these tips, and don't put yourself in this situation:
- Segment your list. You should really be sending different language to donors of small gifts (whatever that is for you) and donors of large gifts. You might also segment by lifetime giving history, so that someone who's given millions gets a letter than acknowledges how much they've done for the organization over time, even if this gift is just $50. This story shows how much it can matter.
- Don't be afraid of telling it like it is in your thank you notes - sincerity goes a long way. Once you've segmented, for your small donors, try something like "...it may not seem like much, but your gift of $x will be put to good use, and knowing that 90% of our parents give what they can is extremely gratifying for our entire community." If you think anyone would describe your purple and flowery prose as "absurdist fundraising etiquette,"try simplifying - using plain language to say that you're grateful, and what you're grateful for is the best way to communicate authentic gratitude. Use hyperbole, and your sincerity may get lost (to the point of suspected sarcasm, in really bad cases).
- Personalize the note, when you can...and in a school setting, you really should be able to. A handwritten postscript would have made all the difference here. It would have instantly made the recipient feel like part of a community again instead of a faceless stranger being pumped for money by people who see her every day.
note: I cheated a lot in putting together this post - the real story (and of course there is one) happened on facebook. It wasn't so much a question, sent to my email mailbag - a friend posted her complaint to everyone on her friend list (and she's charming and amazing, so there are a lot of us)...the second lesson, as important as the one above, is that it only takes one person to have a terrible experience to tarnish your reputation with a thousand people immediately. EVERY donor should be treated with grace and sincere gratitude. This is one anecdote, but I have several others...how you treat your $25 donors reflects on your organization as much as how you treat your (may you have some) $25,000 donors.
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